Day 5.

Day 5.

Okay, now, this one is not actually a photo I took but I think that it's necessary to put it, here.

This man is called Mark. You see, he was like my father and I am going to miss him so much! In case you haven't guessed, yet, Mark killed himself. He was a brave man who beat himself up over a younger boy who killed himself and he has had so many problems, but they are his personal biz, so I'm not going to go into great detail there.

However, todays post will be like the baby one, a note for him

Dear Mark,

                  I won't do what everyone is doing, right now- making you a saint- because I know the real you. The you that wasn't ashamed about anything and used to flirt with my mother! But, you are the nicest man I've ever known. However, it's a shame; you had so much ahead of you. I mean, everyone loves you so much! I mean, Mark, you're not even my father and I have been crying since I found out. I mean, Mark, you always acted like a dad to me and you probably knew me ten times more than my real father. I mean, I will never forget when you said to my mum "I know Cerys more that you do!". You said you knew me more than my mother, only you would say something like that, Mark. 

          The sad thing is, I never got the opportunity to tell you that I love you. I mean, I don't know why I am writing a letter to you because, well, you're gone. But, I'm hoping that maybe my guardian angel will be looking over me just for a few minutes to read this. But, I don't think I ever told you that I loved you or even showed you that I cared about you. I mean, yeah! I may have said that we didn't know where your child was so then I could go on a bike ride, when I was younger, but I don't think that counts. 

         Mark, thank you for everything. When you stayed at our house, you used to always be like a dad with me and wake up and talk to me and just before I left you'd say "Have a good day, Cerys!" I mean, it wouldn't mean much to anyone, but to someone who had only ever heard those words from you; she never had a dad to say it, it sounds amazing. I mean, I use to leave the house almost in tears just because of it. 

          But, what am I supposed to do, now? I'll never hear you again? I can never ask my mum "He'll be fine, won't he?" or "Will he recover from it, though?". I have no safety net, anymore. I have no hope left and I don't know what I'm supposed to do.

            You know, if you wasn't dead, right now, then I would kill you so much! I mean, how dare you do this to your children and me! I miss you so much, Mark. I need you but where are you, now? You always looked out for me, Mark! What am I supposed to do?

      I love you, Mark!

      I miss you, Mark!

      I want you back, Mark!

      Please come back.

    I think that I'd do anything to make you come back, right now. If someone told me that if I sold my soul and you'd come back, then I would sell it in a heartbeat. Mark, I miss you so much! Look at what you've done! You've caused so much misery around you and thought that no one cared! Well, can you see all those people who care, now, Mark? Can you see them? Can you see your children? Can you see all your friends who helped? Can you see my mother who saved you so many times? She is probably beating herself up about it, right now. I mean, she always saved you, but she couldn't this time. Mark, why did you do it? I get that you're depressed and you have so much on, but it was no excuse, Mark! 

 Love you lots.

Cerys x